Today I feel gratitude.
I feel gratitude that I get to celebrate my daughter’s 34th birthday. Today I am thinking a lot about two mother friends, who do not get to celebrate with their wonderful daughter’s, when they turn 34.
Today I feel sorrow.
I feel, perhaps, some of the sorrow of mothers around the world, mothers whom I do not know and those whom I do, who do not get to celebrate with their daughers because of war, brain tumors, gun violence, systemic racism, medical error.
Today I feel surprised.
I feel surprised at the passage of time which changes everything or nothing. I feel surprised that I can remember so clearly the arrival of that beautiful baby as I hold her beautiful baby in my arms.
Today I feel anger.
I feel anger at a system which does not value all babys born to all mothers. I feel anger that it is so difficult to change systems. I feel angry that I do not even know how to begin to write about this!
Today I feel hopeful.
I feel hopeful as I listen to young women speak, as I see my daughters’ parent, as I listen to the children. I feel hopeful as I walk down the street and see iris’s pushing their greenery through the earth.
Today I feel fragile.
I feel fragile as confusion fills me when I listen to the news. I feel fragile as I send energy for the safety for all my grandchildren, of all children ( especially those who do not share my white skin or country of birth).
Today I feel excited.
I feel excited as I continue to listen to and learn from wise women. I am excited that Mandy Carter is being recognized and celebrated this week, and that I got to learn from her!
Today I feel surrounded.
I feel surrounded by change makers even in the midst of fragility, excitement, anger, hope, surprise, gratitude and sorrow.
I know I am surrounded when a ten year old sends me message to catch me up on her basketball game. I am surrounded when a five year old says I love you. I am surrounded when a toddler infant lays their head on my shoulder.
I am surrounded when I sign a petition, write a letter, hear your words of support and encouragement. I am surrounded when you share stories of hope , when I experience care and random acts of kindness.
I am surrounded as I celebrate the life of my daughter born on this day so many days ago.
The more things change the more they stay the same and change.
I am alive.
gkn Feb. 23 2018